I wish I could just negotiate with the spiders in...
Me: Okay well I really hate killing you guys and I know that without you the world would be overrun with insects, so I love you and all, but I kind of really need to take a shower and I don't wanna drown you or have you panic and bite me.
Spider: No probs bro I'll just go hang around in that corner until you're done. By the way, your fan is getting really dirty, my cousin's been living in there and he's not so happy with the conditions.
Me: Oh that's okay I'll have it cleaned and just you can just tell him to move out until it's done.
Spider: Sure thing, man, I'll be over here until your shower's over.
windowshade: altvagenda: i wish i could illegally download friends what does it say about me that i assumed you meant the tv show?
So I worked on scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees today. I’ve been trying other products for a year but I finally found one that works to make the floor brighten up. Wanna guess the first thing my dad said about it? “You only did half”. No “wow, looks great!” or “thanks”.
I just saw an ad for Bounty paper towels and I thought it said “For the parents who aren’t afraid of a few pills” and it had an image of an Olympic athlete. I was so confused as to why a company would endorse pill popping. And then it occurred to me that it was more fucked up if they supported it in correlation to athletics. And then I realized it said “spills” not...